You think it woulda happened sooner...

I have always loved to read. But, when the question was posed about what book saved my life, I was at a loss. This was weird because I have read so many books -- I mean when there were difficult times in my life, I escaped into a book. However, I cannot recall any one specific book. Also, in a literal sense, I don't think I was ever in a position where a book saved my life, like my Webster's Unabridged Dictionary stopped a stray bullet from hitting my forehead. So, I just kept on thinking...and it finally hit me -- WHAMMO! I'm not sure if this counts, but the book that saved my life is my journal, which is still a work-in-progress and helps to save me a little each time I crack it open to make an entry. Let me explain: Back in February of this year, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer and, well, the whole situation was surreal seeming to have come out of left field. The doctors gave her six months. I was reeling from that news, as well as from some other things happening in my life. I felt that I was going to explode and I started shutting down because I didn't want to deal with anything. About a week later, a close friend gave me a beautiful journal and told me to write, it will help with what I'm dealing with. I'm thinking, "I write all the time..." but there is something different about putting the pen to paper literally. Of course, computers make things easier sometimes, and maybe faster...but I couldn't track my writing process (all the scribbles, arrows, carrots, etc.); I couldn't bring my computer anywhere I felt like; and, I couldn't doodle during thinking with a computer. My friend said that the journal was meant to be a therapeutic tool and it is. Who knew there was someone out there who understood me better than myself? I started writing thoughts, then some poems and eventually started what I hope will morph into a novel. I lost my mom in July and when I'm alone at night and the grief gets a little too much to bear and I can't sleep no matter what, that journal keeps me company and helps me work through it. My journal is my buoy.